The day I went for a run before breakfast

Today I went for a run. 

Today I went for a run before breakfast.

I think this is something I've achieved 3 times in my life and not a thing I can guarantee to repeat, as usually the prospect of eating a meal is the only way I can persuade myself to get out of bed. However it has put me in a good mood, and also in the mood for getting round to doing things that I've been putting off. It took me almost an hour to work myself up to leaving the house this morning and it's taken me more than a year to actually write a blog post, despite the fact that in theory both running and writing are things I enjoy doing. I'm not sure why I often can't find the motivation to do things that I like doing; it's like even opening my laptop or putting on my running shoes is this massive wall that I can't get over. I guess it's going to have to be put down to that worn-out old excuse called P R O C R A S T I N A T I O N.

I hate this word. I HATE THIS WORD. I wish it didn't exist. If it didn't exist, it wouldn't be a thing. In my mind, by having a word for procrastination, it becomes justified, excusable. Oh it's okay, I'm just procrastinating. I'll do the work / run / blogging later. It's something everyone does. It's normal. That's why there's a word for it. 

And so I am stopping using it. And simultaneously I am stopping using procrastination as an excuse for putting things off. Imagine all the things I could do if I stopped putting things off? That dark cloud of obligations that hangs over my head would just dissipate and I could live an in-the-moment life like all those instagrammers with pale-toned photographs and adverts for expensive tea. 

To minimise wasted time and up life productivity I have taken some measures:

• This semester I've taken three 8am classes. Difficult? Yes. Repulsive? Maybe. Do I have ragrets? No. It means I get up, go to class, say little of relevance for two hours, have a coffee and get to the library for 10am. TEN AY EM. This is a good time to be in the library. On a day without an 8am I'm rarely doing anything productive before midday, let alone have made it into university and be onto coffee number 2 before I eat my lunch.
• I don't have many clothes, and I've bought new clothes. It it is by no means caspulewardrobegoals, but living effectively out of a suitcase is very refreshing. I wear near enough the same thing every day; same jacket, same scarf, same few pairs of shoes... it means I waste a lot less time faffing about what to wear and hardly ever have those days when I walk around looking at the floor because I'm self-conscious about what I'm wearing. In addition, when I buy clothes they tend to be a. plainer and b. more neutral. Because hey, I live in Paris. (See future blog posts on 'trying to be French' and 'trying to be cool').
• I'm wearing less makeup. (See future blog post on 'trying to look like I'm not trying to be French and cool').
• Not being afraid of spending money. Not like, crazy amounts, but what is money for if not for spending? And if I spend it now, it will probably end up being less total expenditure than if I spent it later. Eg. train tickets; I am no stranger to last-minute high prices and serious ragrets. 
• Making plans, saying yes, doing things. This is the most influential thing I've learned from my study abroad. Just do it. Just like, do it. Or, just don't do it. But either way make a decision and accept the consequences, because the fact is that one person can't do everything, so mostly say yes, but also be okay with saying no. 

Let's be realistic, entirely stopping wasting time is not something I am going to succeed at, nor am I going to stop using the word 'procrastination' or take up early-morning running. I will continue to put things off, and I will continue to have those empty flatline days between peaks of activity. You know those days when you just lie in bed and wait for the end so you can make a better start tomorrow? I had one yesterday. But this is something I've learned; everybody wastes time, and everybody, to some extent, disappoints themselves. But the important thing to remember is that not every day is this way, and there is always a tomorrow to do better than you did today. So go to bed, forgive yourself for the things you haven't done, get up early and do them. Maybe even before breakfast.  


Disclaimers:
I don't want this post to sound preachy, but I mean well yeah it does sound preachy. Please be aware that I'm writing this to myself as much as to anyone else. 
I'm also sorry that I've started my blog off on a soul-searching foot, I promise there's more mundane posts about #travel #studyabroad and #erasmus to come. But I wanted to vent. I am clearly still feeling saintly because I went for a run before breakfast. I'll go and get on with some of the things I've been putting off to bring myself back down to earth.